Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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