a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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