Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize