Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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