i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
