my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
