hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
