He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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