he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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