My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
