i would punch a child for taco bell
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i out mim tonsoeep
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