I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
