Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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