I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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