And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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