His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
