Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize