shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
