dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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