I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
