Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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