mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize