i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
