im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize