bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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