and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize