My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
