I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
