I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize