Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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