No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
