if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize