I want to have your abortion
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
