yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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