Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
