I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
