I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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