I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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