i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
