I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
