Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
