did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
