Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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