I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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