I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
