Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
