Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize