I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
