So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
