We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize