Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you would pick up someone in the library
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
