I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
