Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
