My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
