Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
