I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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