from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
