that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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