Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize