dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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