Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
