the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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