i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
