Kiss
Puke
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
