Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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