Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
