Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
