one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
