Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
