Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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