when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
