All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
