You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
