it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
