Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize