I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
