Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I didn't shave. On purpose
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When are your genitals available?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
